Some people say that fighting is not healthy and is unnecessary. Hmm, I don’t know about that? Actually, and this is just my opinion today because I have not done the research, but I think that fighting can be healthy and absolutely necessary. Now when I was younger as shy and mild-mannered as I was; still on occasion I welcomed a good fight. Not physically because I think that physical fighting is sometimes wasted energy and more often than not, detrimental to all involved. However, sometimes it to is necessary. Now, I don’t know that it’s necessary for more than twenty years for reasons we still cannot grasp, but anyway, that’s a different story for another time.
Right now, I would simply like to address fighting as it relates to “relating“. Believe it or not, communication and conflict can effectively go together. Fighting is most definitely a form of communication and it can be very healthy when its done right Presently, I am not a practicing therapist as I once was, but I still do coaching, and let’s just face it; once a counselor always a counselor right?
Well I don’t normally like to give counsel or even ordinary everyday advise to family and friends because this can sometimes be, well let’s just say a bit frustrating. Why? I’m glad you asked. It’s because you spend countless hours talking and listening to people right? Trying to help them strategize, and what do they do? Normally everything you’ve told them not to do!
This is really okay because people don’t have to take your advise, however you still need to make sure that you give good counsel just in case they do. Conflict is natural particularly whenever you have differences or simply individuals and/or groups capable of thinking for themselves. In theses instances, people will not always agree. First rule in the fair fight; 1) Agree to disagree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Keep in mind however, this is what it is, your own opinion. 2) Give mutual respect and honor. Regardless as to if it is your spouse, boss or a group you are in. Follow the same set of principles you would have other to follow with you. (simply put, “the golden rule”). 3) Stop to listen. The thing about fighting is that sometimes everyone is trying to get their point across at the same time. If you don’t stop to hear the other’s point of view, how can you even give a fair rebuttal? 4) Articulate. Say what you mean and mean what you say with relevancy. Don’t just babble. 5) Admit when you are wrong and the other party is right. Yes, sometimes it’s okay to be wrong. if you’re married or in a relationship, it is usually the time you want to be happy. You are always a winner when you simply tell the truth. Then everybody gets free!
I hope that the majority of your communications are conflict free, however when you find yourself in an occassional battle or debate, and you will…remember to fight fair and don’t stay parked on that street forever. Make your point then move on, and carry on. Recover quickly! And if possible, find a way to make up. Effective communication is the key. Fight fair!